Happiness, a wonderful feeling.
Fear, a horrible feeling.
When both go hand in hand, emotions run high.
Thoughts become irrational.
People get hurt.
Fear of happiness? The idea seems contradictionary. It should not exist, yet it
does.
To love somebody is to give yourself over. Give over to love.
Defenses you
don't even know you have, need to be put down.
Your heart fears to be hurt and
betrayed.
To love fully and completely makes your heart vulnerable.
Happiness. It is almost unattainable, true happiness is. I have found it, at a
great cost.
Through fears of an inability to be understood, lies were born.
Through fears of rejection, feelings of shame were born. Again.
Then I was
ready after all the pain.
Defenses I was aware of, brought down with patience,
and understanding.
Defenses I was not aware of were put down, quietly. Sometimes
kicking and screaming.
I deluded myself into thinking the defenses were under control.
They came back
to life.
Old fears of rejection, sadness, loneliness, darkness and cold attacked
me.
Will it never end?
Am I afraid to be happy? Afraid to embrace it fully and completely?
Does my
heart really distrust by default simply because it has been hurt in the past?
Why doesn't it go away? I would like to be happy now. I have waited a long time.
Twice I thought I had it, but it didn't last. But no regrets in the trying,
either.
My heart has no rational reason to be afraid.
The unknown draws my mind.
Fascinates me.
My heart should be as well.
Stop the fighting, you will lose in the end.
Gerard Beekmans